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Thursday, June 16, 2011

I'm Allergic to Regret

I stepped outside yesterday and caught a scent which pulled me through the space/time continuum to a tight and confining spot, even for a small child.  The floor was layered with decades of dried leaves beneath and a canopy of thin, and slightly velvety, gray-green leaves above.

When I was five years old, I found the best hiding place in the world.  Unfortunately, I was a nasty child who felt the need to hide from my little brother, who was two at the time and practically worshiped me.  Equally unfortunate is how much I regret my hateful, hiding habits of 45 years ago.

The slightly tangy aroma that wafted across the breezes yesterday afternoon was the scent of Russian Olive blossoms and the hiding place of all those years ago was underneath an enormous Russian Olive tree that sat on the boarder of our neighbor's property.  The old tree had a huge circumference, but was so low to the ground, it required a crouch, a crawl and then an army-man scootch to position myself under it.  Once into place, I could sit Indian-style or roll onto my back and enjoy the light filtering through those leaves and that sweet fragrance of the flowers while I listened to the distant sound of little Jim calling, "Dorda", "Doooorda!" as he toddled around the yard.

Throughout the years of growing up in that house with that huge tree in the back yard, I don't recall ever having allergies, but for the past 20 some-odd years, I can mark the exact day the Russian Olives bloom because my eyes water, my nose runs and the back of my throat itches to the point of wanting to scratch it with a sharp pencil.  I bear it as bravely as possible, because I am positive this is God's way of punishing me for hiding from my sweet, little brother.  I wish he would call me now.  I would scramble out of my place and run to him and hug him as hard as I can and then show him greatest hiding place on earth.


Jim Shumway said...

So that is where you were hiding? I loved that old tree too. I sure hope you don't regret those days. I WAS a horrible brother and only got worse with time. You were and are an amazing sister. I still worship you and hope some day to be as good a person. I am looking forward to that hug when we see you later this month. Jim

Tina said...

You reached in my brain and pulled out another memory! We had a russian olive on our yard also. I haven't seen one in ages! We had a tetherball poll next to it and we spent hours in it's shade playing!

You are a wordsmith! I love the way you describe things! Hope you get over those allergies for the next 20 years . . .

Lisa said...

45 years is long enough for punishing yourself. You were a child doing childish things. Wouldn't it be great if you released your emotion from this memory and your allergies went away? Don't spend any more time thinking about what you "should" of done. Accept what you did, it's a learning event and be kinder tomorrow than you were today. P.S. Aren't you proud of me? I learned how to comment.

Ryan Hawks, CTRS said...

I'm very impressed at your writing skills. Your posts are very poetically written!